At the beginning of the year, United Health Care issued a feature about a Pew report survey finding that parents across socio-economic boundaries rank bullying as the number one concern for their children.

Social media and texting can inspire a very isolating experience for youth, with chronic stress that can lead to health issues (such as anxiety and depression). And because cyber technology is in every nook and cranny of our lives, home is no longer a sanctuary.

The most challenging “banana moment” for the modern parent is when to issue your child a smart phone. It is a rite of passage that carries with it privileges, responsibilities and dangers tantamount to handing over the keys to the car. And it happens typically around middle school or upper grammar school grades. One of the reasons why it is so challenging to parent youth with mobile devices is that they are empowered by the feeling of no limits to communication, and they will naturally be resistant to parental oversight – especially when shame-inspired content transpires (i.e., sexting, bullying, gossip). And it is easy to keep secrets because cyber connectivity is so clandestine.

A recent article by Naomi Schaefer Riley in the New York Post features the lack of parental confidence in a child’s ability to be responsible for their own security as a type of schizophrenia that looks something like this: little girls are wearing sexy Halloween costumes while college students are calling parents daily to make basic decisions about class courses and campus life. The article points to an “amorphous fear” of a culture that is not geared toward protecting children.

The concerns of this study are rooted in a simple truth: “When you stand for nothing, you fall for anything” (Alexander Hamilton).

As with any innovation, it can be used for good or not good. Motive matters. A recent arrest of a University of Missouri science and technology student for posting threats to the students and faculty via YikYak, a social media app that allows you to post comments anonymously, illustrates this point. The threats were reported to the authorities who were able to trace the source of the comments through GPS metadata. The news feature issued the following warnings to parents:

A Center for Disease Control study on Childhood Stress with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, explains there are three types of stress: positive, tolerable and toxic. Toxic stress is chronic and can lead to health issues. According to the report updated in May 2011: “Toxic stress results from adverse experiences that may be sustained over a long period of time. This kind of stress can disrupt early brain development, compromise the functioning of important biological systems, and lead to long-term health problems.” Along those lines, consider texting and social media as an example of chronic teen stress that can be like peer pressure on steroids and inspire high anxiety.

...So the concern from the parent’s point of view, is not trying to keep track of all the possible apps your child may want to use, but to maintain an open dialogue about their interests and build trust about what apps they are allowed to use, when and why. Social media is a very compelling experience, and in their pursuit to seek personal identity and sense of belonging, children at earlier ages can come to believe that in order to be a real person, to be visible, they must have an on-line presence.

Featuring his new book, Hurt 2.0: Inside the World of Today's Teenagers, Clark addressed the social, cultural and biological dynamics of growing up in today’s world and offers insights for parents whose own development experience cannot compare.

The most important thing parents can teach children in order to groom them for cyber-safe use of texting and social media is that they already have power and it must be defended. It is like the teacher saying, “You already have an ‘A’. Your assignment is to defend it.” The seminal question for the modern teen is, how much personal power will you surrender to the bully, the drug or the device?