Drumbeat of love in a cyber-powered world: Fearless collaboration

Tuesday, November 25th, 2014

2014 October Banana Moments Monthly Round Up

Photo: http://pixabay.com/en/love-heart-beat-heartbeat-monitor-313417/

Photo: http://pixabay.com/en/love-heart-beat-heartbeat-monitor-313417/

According to a recent NPR report, parents and adult children are living in the same home as the milennial and the baby boomer generations are making  choices that resemble an extended family. In my view, the idea of the modern young adult returning home to live with parents after college is a natural consequence of 1) socio-economic trends wherein their first jobs may not sustain a new household and college debt, and 2) a renewed parent-child bond emerging from a cyber-powered generation.

Open-minded and eager to share and connect about life experiences, this first generation of digital natives is also bringing their parents to work. Equally important, the parents of digital natives have a desire to support their young adult child’s personal growth and development through an economy that yields uncertain career opportunities coupled with college debt further delaying the transition to financial independence.  Depending upon your perspective and experience, this trend may be viewed as a collaboration or a codependency.  Perhaps the most important factor that would determine whether cohabitation is codependent is the central motivation. If the motivation for cohabitation is fear that the adult child cannot make it on her own, then it is not necessarily a healthy and functional arrangement. However, if the motivation is related to helping a child meet some personal objectives, such as paying down college debt and start a savings, and there is a mutual desire to make a loving home environment where each individual contributes to the well being of the family, then it is in my mind a collaboration.

Fearless collaboration

Unlike generations past, where authority was perceived more as a matter of formal title or role, the authority cyber-powered youth perceive today is a relational experience that is authentic (fearless) and characterized by open communication. This for me is the hope of this power crisis inspired by mobile connectivity; it is a hope that comes from choosing to learn how to love one another as God loves humanity. It is a sacrificial love that navigates the inner world to engage hearts and minds well beyond discipline with choices and consequences, and providing housing, food and a college education.

These new demands on the modern parent involve the complete surrender of the fearful impulses to be in control of our child’s destiny, and give new life to the parent heart who is the confident teacher for life who is also interested in how the modern childhood is informing youth. The model for this instructive authority is the communication of discipline as the boundary-setting that empowers. It is not only learning experiences from the consequences and choices enforced at home, but also imparting wisdom as your passion for your child’s liberty thus deepening the parent-child bond. Ultimately the aim is to help your child be self-governing with a healthy sense of personal identity resilient to undue influences in the social network at any age. And so below are some considerations for the drumbeat of love from a modern parent heart:FreshStart_Cover_full page (2)


• Govern the home, not the child. (See The Authority In Me for more about the thesis of how internet connectivity places a premium on raising children to think for themselves so they can be secure in the cyber as well as physical realms).

• Make a commitment to yourself and your family to be a leader whose heart and mind is governed by faith not fear. Sacrifice the  egotistical impulse to be in control because you are worried or have desires for your children that are “for their own good”.

• Be open to learning from how the life experiences of your child are informing them. Offer your insights and wisdom only after you have listened and validated your child’s experiences, thoughts and feelings without judging them.

Create a family culture rooted in the mustard seed of faith that makes a free society possible (God’s sovereignty and man’s free will), in order to have transparency and open communication with your child. In this regard, it is the mind of Christ which expresses faith as an executive movement that enables us to overcome the bullying and oppressive influences in the world and reap the benefits of innovation. To learn more about creating a transparent family culture with open communication that respects and engages the intellect and will of the individual, check out the Fresh Start manual and workshop.

2014 October Round Up

Banana Moments Foundation YouTube

Cyber Safety for Kids and Families with Joanna and Jodie

Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner

2014 Fall Edition of Family Business Quarterly


Joanna Jullien "Parental authority cannot be taken. It can only be lost when we surrender it."  Photo by: Christi Benz

Joanna Jullien “Parental authority cannot be taken. It can only be lost when we surrender it.” Photo by: Christi Benz

Joanna Jullien is an author, educator and speaker on strengthening the parent-child relationship in a cyber powered world. She is a mother of two grown sons, the author of The Authority In Me: The Power of Family Life in the Network Culture, produces The Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner column on Examiner.com, and is the CyberParenting advisor on The Fish 103.9FM. Her new book, A Google World in the Garden of Eden: Five Family-Safe Strategies for Texting and Social Media is now available for PC and all eReader formats including Kindle, Nook, iPad.


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About Joanna Jullien

Joanna Jullien

Joanna (jullien@surewest.net) and her husband have raised two sons in Roseville, CA. She has a degree from U.C. Berkeley in Social Anthropology (corporate culture). Her honors thesis was awarded the Kroeber Prize and funding from National Science Foundation grant. Joanna writes to help parents with the modern-day leadership challenges of raising children. She is a contributing writer for The Granite Bay View, the Press Tribune, the Sacramento Examiner, and editor of Banana Moments.