In a cyber-powered world, bullying can feel unsurvivable, as the incidents of suicide that make the headlines remind us how fragile and strong we are depending upon our state of heart and mind. All of our children are experiencing and witnessing intense bullying in their cyber social realms, as aggressors, targets and bystanders. Here are some tips for parents:

A recent survey found that 80% of UK parents feel that their children are growing up too fast, and the question remains who is in control? The technology (and media), the child or the parent? Many parents are granting unsupervised access to internet-powered devices at early ages, seven and younger, and there is a perception that the kids are growing up too fast. How can we shield children from the risky and evil ideas and lifestyles of popular culture and Hollywood that do not conform to our values?

Fifteen-year-old Julia Shohbozian of Rocklin has overcome the bully climate at her high school by making her world bigger than the small-minded clicks creating a very hostile social climate on campus. For her junior year in high school, she opted to enroll in independent study and has started taking classes at Sierra College and is very happy that she made a decision to expand her world. She also serves on the Placer County Youth Commission that advises the County Board of Supervisors on matters of public policy and youth perspective. “I realized that if my peers didn’t care about me, then why should I care about what they think about me,” she said, "I am not interested in judging other people for entertainment".

On Tues. Oct. 21 and again on Oct. 22, Rocklin resident Peggy Harper Lee , author of Spoiled: Fresh Ideas for Parenting Your Entitled Child at Any Age (2012) , will be speaking at St. Joseph Marello Catholic Church in Granite Bay about the skills to overcome the power and discipline issues with children of all ages. Lee, a mother of five ages 32 to five, developed the material for her book from her financial consulting practice. She found that many of her client’s financial issues were related to the expenses associated with entitled children of all ages. “Parents today are from the ‘achievement’ generation,” she said, “And so there is a tendency to blur the parenting and child lanes in order to accomplish personal goals.” The net impact can be the formation of a disabling dependency wherein children depend on someone else to be responsible for their lot in life, which is compounded by the network culture that features instant gratification centered on self. Some examples include failure to launch, as adult children lack the motivation to find a way to make it on their own; and expectations that parents will pay for the desires the child cannot afford or for which he is not willing to work; to resistance and hostile reactions to expectations to helping around the house and doing homework.

There are cyber device settings and apps that parents and kids can deploy as a part of your anti-bully strategy. The aim is to create boundaries in the cyber tools and in your child’s own hearts and minds embrace the correct thinking and actions in confronting a bully mentality. The most important thing parents can do is use these tools to inspire open dialogue about recognizing and responding to mean-spirited, nefarious or unkind communications in the children’s cyber social realm.

The pursuit of truth is difficult when emotions are high and this is especially true in the social network. Cyber-powered connectivity can intensify the temptation to rush to judgment without all the facts and it is difficult to maintain a perspective informed by the aim to pursue justice before the pursuit of truth has even begun...

...humility is choosing to assert control over the “smarty pants” self, and stand your ground about where you believe your power comes from in the first place. It is the “What Would Jesus Do” model. When you are feeling uneasy or threatened, it is better to pray about it and trust God with the issue first so you can think and act with an intelligent heart, rather than act out impulsively. Impulsiveness is lack of self control; it can be and expression of insecurity and anger – all of which are powerless states of mind and contribute further to the disturbing of the peace.

I believe the modern child experiences a bully climate in ways we cannot perceive unless we experience it at their age. The drama we experienced as adolescents without cyber connectivity is amplified for the modern teen; and it can easily take on a life of its own in the form of personal attack that sometimes convinces you that you cannot survive, or worse yet, that there is no point in surviving it. Did you have an arch nemesis in middle or high school? What would she have done with an Instagram or Twitter account? An anonymous teacher said it beautifully: “There are more bad apples and many more swing voters.”

Bullying is learned behavior. Children do as we do, and so I have learned that if our own personal strategy is to use intimidation and anger in response to bad customer service or in reaction to the things that family members do that are annoying or disruptive, we in turn are disturbing the peace, not contributing to it.

So let us be clear. Worrying is not the same thing as caring because it is the product of fear, not love. And worry is in my opinion the most toxic temptation of the modern parent given the truly perilous network culture that encompasses the modern childhood.