Facehooked parenting

Monday, February 16th, 2015

Welcome to the 2015 Winter Edition of Banana Moments Family Business Quarterly

There is a lot of concern about the impact social media has on teens and children as their cyber social realms expose them to extreme experiences with the adult issues of bullying, addiction and exploitation. And while the traditional paradigm for the parent heart is to seek more control over our children’s experiences or surrender to the inevitable with fingers crossed, the truth of the matter is that regardless of how the impact of internet connectivity on our family makes us feel, we have the power to help our children develop their own capacity to be self governing in a world that seeks to manipulate and exploit through free and customized on-line services (including social media, specialized apps and games). So in my mind, the more fundamental concern is how the technology is impacting parents who are the primary teachers for life.

Dr. Suzana Flores’ new book, Facehooked: How Facebook Affects Our Emotions, Relationships, and Lives (2014), explores how social media is transforming the expectations people have for themselves and others, and the impact on relationships at home, school and work. In her psychology practice, she has found that her adult clients are experiencing emotional trauma and broken relationships from placing too much value on the validation that comes from the device (the brain gets dopamine rewards from interacting with the screen) and other people in the social network (“likes”). “In many ways it is like a drug addiction,” she said. “It is an escape from reality. Rather than pursuing the inner knowing, we are becoming more robotic. Our lives are becoming a performance to please the crowd.”

In our internet-powered world, a relationship between the individual and the crowd is something that is hyped and gains more and more of our personal attention because mass communications makes it possible, not because it is in our best interest. The implications for parenting are indeed profound. For example, a recent CNN article about “crowd-sourced parenting” features trends wherein parents are seeking advice from strangers about parent decisions and dilemmas including naming and disciplining your child.

Indeed, the individual versus the internet is the David & Goliath narrative of our time. According to Flores, as our realities become more and more difficult, we’re hiding, and as a result she sees that many teens are becoming their own parents. To that end, below are some signs you may be a Facehooked parent.

Signs you may be a ‘Facehooked’ parent

  • Your child keeps asking you to get off of your device.
  • The basic needs of your home and family are not tended to in a timely and orderly manner. (Groceries, chores, meals, laundry, etc.)
  • Your kids are talking to you less and less.
  • You have poor on-line boundaries, “friending” your child’s friends and engaging them as if they were your peers.
  • Posting your child’s accomplishments on your timeline to get more likes.
  • You allow other people to freely post pictures of your child and you are not proactive about protecting your child’s on-line privacy.
  • You find yourself retaliating against your child on social media for their poor one-line behavior.
  • Your teen is embarrassed that you post too many selfies.
  • Conversations with your child annoy you because it’s keeping you from your cyber realm.
  • Your child stops seeking you out for advice and information, and you are essentially absent from their life. And you are okay with it.

We and our children can get educated about our own resilience at all ages to recognize evil for evil, and good for good. For for it is through trial, error and by our faith that we as individuals and families have the capacity to overcome undue influences and experiences in our own cyber and physical realms of the world. Accordingly, this 2015 Winter Edition of Family Business Quarterly features insights about our inherent capacity to overcome the things in the world that disturb our peace and cause trauma. Consider that we live in a free society established upon one mustard seed of faith: God grants individuals dominion over their own intellect and will, so therefore what you choose to believe about personal power in a turbulent world is the heart of the matter. Further, the mobile connectivity in the hands of youth inspires a crisis of power which can be leveraged to strengthen and deepen the parent-child bond because our cyber-powered children are seeking the authenticity of fearless and open communication.  To learn more about creating a family culture characterized by open communication and individual resilience, go to: Fresh Start and Reviving Parenthood.

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2014 Winter Edition Features

Sleep deprivation and devices by Dr. Susan Weinberger
Response to trauma: Resilient parent, resilient child
Mind/brain balance: Making your New Year’s resolutions work for you by Steven Campbell
Teaching your child to fear no evil in the social network

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NEW! Life is Bigger than the Screen by Julia Shohbozian

 Julia Shobozian


Julia Shohbozian

A junior in high school, Julia Shohbozian left her traditional high school campus at the end of her sophomore year, and opted for an independent study program which gives her freedom to take more classes at Sierra College and engage in community work. She serves on the Placer County Youth Commission and the Leadership Committee for the Coalition for Placer Youth.

 

Grand Opening

Recovery Happens opens a facility in Roseville to help youth and families struggling with drug and alcohol addiction.  Read more about the impact of drug bias among parents and the system of care on youth.

 

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2015 January Round Up

Cyber Safety for Kids and Families with Joanna and Jodie on 103.9FM The Fish Family Morning Show

Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner

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2014 December Round Up

Cyber Safety for Kids and Families with Joanna and Jodie on 103.9FM The Fish Family Morning Show

Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner

Banana Moments Foundation is dedicated to strengthening the parent-child bond in a hyper-connected world. To make a donation, please go go: Donations. Your generous support is greatly appreciated.

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Joanna Jullien (Photo: Christi Benz)

Joanna Jullien
(Photo: Christi Benz)

Joanna Jullien is an author, educator and speaker on strengthening the parent-child relationship in a cyber powered world. She is a mother of two grown sons, the author of The Authority In Me: The Power of Family Life in the Network Culture, produces The Sacramento Cyber Safety Examiner column on Examiner.com, and is the CyberParenting advisor on The Fish 103.9FM. Her new book, A Google World in the Garden of Eden: Five Family-Safe Strategies for Texting and Social Media is now available for PC and all eReader formats including Kindle, Nook, iPad.

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About Joanna Jullien

Joanna Jullien

Joanna (jullien@surewest.net) and her husband have raised two sons in Roseville, CA. She has a degree from U.C. Berkeley in Social Anthropology (corporate culture). Her honors thesis was awarded the Kroeber Prize and funding from National Science Foundation grant. Joanna writes to help parents with the modern-day leadership challenges of raising children. She is a contributing writer for The Granite Bay View, the Press Tribune, the Sacramento Examiner, and editor of Banana Moments.

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